EarlSitting
by Al Wolfskill
Summary: Ciel is left in the capable hands of the Undertaker as the boy's butler goes off to who knows where. It's up to Undertaker to control the extremely... curious and rather eccentric child of the Phantomhive family. Based off of a cosplay thing during lunch with Bob. One-shot. Rated T for my language..


A yawn escaped the silver haired man, a yawn that signified the end of an extremely busy work day. There had been a slaughter at the museum close by, and it had been the silver haired man's duty to make each victim look appealing to the eyes. Each of the fourteen victims' faces had been cut off, revealing the muscles and tissue behind their skins. Some had been so gruesome a closed-casket ceremony had been mandatory. The silver haired man was just about ready to go and retire for the night in one of his cozy coffins when a knock at the door interrupted his objective.

The silver haired man rubbed at his eyes, still obscured by his silvery bangs, and walked over to the door rather drowsily. When he opened it, he was not the least bit surprised to find the young Phantomhive earl standing before him, along with his midnight black butler.

"Undertaker," the young earl spoke, a commanding tone in his voice, "Sebastian and my servants are going away to investigate the slaughter at the museum. It's been said that my estates are under watch by the culprits and until we know who exactly is the culprit… Sebastian has insisted I remain here." Undertaker looked from the earl to his butler, wondering exactly what he was supposed to do. Was he intended to be the child's sitter? "I can offer you twice what we would normally give you, Undertaker," Sebastian insisted, bowing slightly.

Undertaker yawned once more. True, sleep was something he had barely enough time for during a busy season, but he still yearned for it. But twice the pay? Two good laughs? Recently the earl hadn't come around as much, and he had barely received any laughter. This was too good of a chance to pass up.

Another yawn, and the earl was left in the funeral home, left behind by his butler. Undertaker pulled over a smaller coffin and set it on the floor, opening it so as the earl could step in. But alas, the earl did not. The young blue haired boy was snooping around his workplace, trying to examine the multiple cadavers which had come to be in Undertaker's possession throughout the years. "There you go, young earl," Undertaker told the earl, pushing him over to the little coffin. "I custom made it just for you earl. The measurements might be off but—wait earl where are you going?"

The young earl had gone and started walking towards one of his cabinets, pulling at one of the books Undertaker had hidden in his cabinets. Once more, the silver haired man was forced to drag the smaller blue haired boy towards the coffin. "I am not sleeping in that!" the young earl commanded, shoving off Undertaker's hands from his shoulders. Undertaker looked around his room, his bangs impeding some of his view, trying to find something in which he could shut the earl up in to enjoy some sleep. After all, shinigami weren't like demons; they needed sleep.

It was an unfamiliar place, that much Undertaker could understand. Yes, the earl had been in the funerary before, but that had been strictly during business and during the day. Undertaker pressed his lips together and forced out a sound that sounded very similar to a fart and he pried the earl away from his books. What would happen if the young earl found out about him experimenting on the cinematic records? Plus, the earl had already seen the pink bookmark, and if he managed to see that it was in the books, he'd become even more curious.

The blue haired boy looked around the whole place, being closely followed by Undertaker. However, the young earl mistook this and stopped abruptly as soon as he had circulated the building thrice, "Stop following me. I can't sleep without knowing that my estate is well." Undertaker yawned again, his hat falling off the back of his head, "Let me tell you a story, young earl. Just get into that nice cozy coffin."

The earl did not seem pleased with the accommodations but he could not very well complain. The boy settled himself into the coffin, his uncomfortable expression reflecting what he was feeling at being placed inside a large wooden box. Undertaker walked over, wearing a rather tired expression than the extremely cheerful one he normally had. He was exhausted, and the earl knew that. A slight smile danced on his face. If he tired out the Undertaker soon enough, he'd be free to go and follow Sebastian to find out who it was.

"There's a few stories I have. First, I'll start off with… Oh I like this one," he said, plucking one of the books out of its cabinet. Undertaker plopped himself right on the edge of the earl's coffin, and gave a creepy smile.

"There once was a legendary demon with nine tails. It destroyed everything and one brave warrior went out and sealed the creature in his newly born son, but it cost him his life. The boy grew up never knowing his father. The boy was a problem child and…"

"I know this one, Undertaker. Naruto is not exactly a secret."

Undertaker frowned and tossed the book aside, knocking over a glass jar containing a few intestines he'd extracted from a guest of his. "Well, there's a few more young earl," Undertaker said, pulling another book out of his cabinets.

"Now, this one is about a boy who meets a strange girl who wore her hair in completely different ways each day. He finds out that she is only interested in the supernatural, extraterrestrial world and they start a club called the SOS Brigade. The club is then filled in by a small group: an alien, a time traveler, an esper, a…"

"I know this one too. Haruhi Suzumiya. Undertaker, find something that will keep me entertained."

Undertaker felt a nerve in his forehead snap. This child was so arrogant. "Alright," he responded in a tone that completely betrayed his annoyance with the boy. Another book…

"Two brothers lose their limbs in an alchemic transmutation while trying to bring their mother back from the grave…"

"Fullmetal Alchemist."

Undertaker tossed aside the book, glaring at the pile of books that was now forming on his… halfway clean floors. True, he never did bother cleaning but what point was there in cleaning a place that already smelled like death?

"A girl meets a talking cat that grants her powers to transform into a sailor scout and defeat evil monsters. She then meets sailors that have the power over every other planet…"

"Sailor Moon. Do I look like that kind of child, Undertaker?"

Ciel started to stand up, only to be pushed back by the heel of the Undertaker's boots. "You are staying here until I find a good story for you earl. Let me give you this satisfaction."

The two laughs still weighing heavily on his head, Undertaker stretched over to his cabinet, still maintaining his boot on the earl. He felt the young boy squiggle around, trying to get out from under the Undertaker's weight, but was unable to. Had the years of being serviced by the perfect butler given way to a weak child?

"A story of three meisters and their weapons…"

"Soul Eater."

"The tale of a pirate boy who stretches a large amount of…"

"One Piece."

"A guild called…"

"Fairy Tail."

"A shinigami drops a black book in the human world…"

"Death Note."

"A poor female student walks into a music room and is forced to pay off an expensive vase by joining…"

"Ouran High School Host Club."

"When being hugged by the opposite gender, the descendants of the Sohma…"

"Fruits Basket."

"The Soul Society is…"

"Bleach."

"A half dog demon and half human meets a human girl and they…"

"Inuyasha."

The pile of books on Undertaker's floor had grown immensely in the past half hour, his vision grew even blurrier than normal and he felt like he was about to pass out from fatigue. He did the only thing he found logical in his situation. Undertaker started to read the cinematic record of none other than Ciel Phantomhive.

Of course, Undertaker changed a few names here and there, adding a bit of drama in certain areas, taking away facts that would probably make it seem obvious just whose record he was reading.

A boy, Mar Ghosthive, eager to avenge his parents' deaths, makes a contract with a demon, Remington. They solve mysteries, like Sherlock and Watson, with the help of the extremely attractive and multi-talented ex-criminal, Under Thinker. Many adventures they went on included meeting up with Mar's uncle, Uncle Green, and his clumsy maid, Grey. Remington developed a love on Grey, but Grey only had eyes for the amazing Under Thinker. Their adventures led them to many countries, and they traveled all across the world.

The boy was captivated by the story, finding the main character relatable, and his demon partner flawless. He seemed to be a bit confused by the ex-criminal's character, saying that he was probably the author's favorite by the description. He pointed out how the clumsy maid reminded him of his own, mixed in with a bit of Grell. By the time the earl was nodding off to sleep, Undertaker had already reached the very end of the boy's cinematic record and was being forced to make things up.

After around two hours of reading, Undertaker's throat felt hoarse and the earl had finally gone to sleep. The pile of books the earl had already known still lay on the floor. Undertaker kicked them under one of the numerous tables and finally snuggled into his own cozy coffin. His eyelids had just closed when he heard the door open.

The curious silver haired man peeked out of his coffin and saw Sebastian, the boy's butler, carrying him off home, smiling and whispering to himself. Undertaker swore he could hear the butler's muffled chuckles, "When he's intolerable, I should just bring him here to finally fall asleep."

He'd been used…

* * *

_**Characters Summarize:**_

_Sebastian: Damn… You're annoying. I'm gonna send you with a creepy pedophile. YAY!_

_Ciel: Wait what?_

_Undertaker: Hello… I'm sleepy and cranky. STFU and get into the coffin._

_Ciel: Tell me a story._

_Undertaker: YOU KNOW ALL MY FUCKING STORIES BITCH!_

_Ciel: Tell me a story._

_Undertaker: -tells Ciel his own life story-_

_Ciel: Awesome sauce!_

_Sebastian: I got a nanny for my brat 3_

* * *

_This was based on a small cosplay thing that happened today at my school during lunch with my friend Bob. She was Ciel and I was the Undertaker and I started hinting at a crapload of animes and she guessed all of them. And of course, conceited Ciel would probably be real satisfied with his own manga. So… Yeah, it's mainly crack XD _


End file.
